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Top 30 Things Not To Say When You've Been Pulled Over By a Cop

  1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
  2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
  3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
  4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
  5. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
  6. You're not going to search my trunk are you?
  7. You better hurry up with that ticket. Dunkin' Donuts closes in 15 minutes.
  8. I am not the droid you're looking for. You don't need to see my papers.
  9. I pay your salary!
  10. Your so-called "speed limits" mean nothing to me flatfoot. I live my life one quarter-mile at a time.
  11. You again? I thought I lost you at that last red light.
  12. Gee, Officer. That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning too!
  13. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
  14. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
  15. When the Officer says, "Gee Son...Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?", You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes looked glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
  16. Aren't you going to strip search me, big boy?
  17. How about you watch my friend Ben Franklin while I get my registration?
  18. Sorry I was speeding officer, but your daughter said she had to be home by eleven.
  19. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
  20. Hey Barney! How are things in Mayberry?
  21. That uniform makes your butt look really big.
  22. Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?
  23. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
  24. Bad Cop! No Donut!
  25. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
  26. Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on Cops?
  27. Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's night stand . . .
  28. When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the camcorder.
  29. I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket
  30. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?