Funny Philosophy
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- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
- It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
How to tell the sex of a fly
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," he responded.
Fumbling in the Dark
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There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence.
Veterinary Health Care
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A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he laid the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, and placed the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, he shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."
A Wrench In The Grass
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A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace.
Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass on the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown.